when people judge you negatively

Sometimes, I don't understand why they judge me negatively even I never spoke negative word to them. I never say "anjing, mati gw, mati lo, monyet lo, etc..". I tried my best not to say such things. Well, I just a human, I didn't realize what I have did and I also have hurt feeling. I am not perfect nor I am not that bad. Maybe I need to reflect my act before complaint. Should I change my behavior?
I am smiling and laughing, doesn't mean I am okay. I just don't know how to react.


I am not bad person nor that stupid. Please don't make me down with all those words. Or it just my feeling? I think I just need a break and go to holiday.


Will you notice if I change to quite person? I don't have anyone again. I tried my best but they don't care. I hate this situation, being lonely person.


*office
Feeling blue

Why do I realize things so late

Now I just want to say I'm sorry

sorry to ask you something that I know it's hard for you to make it happen

sorry for everything that I already asked

sorry if I can't be someone who can fill in your life

sorry if I am late to realize that you ever feel jealous to me

If I have time to say, I just want to say thank you

I wish you the best of all the world could give

If I have time with you, please let me hug you just for a minute

I admit that I'm jealous of the way you're happy without me

I am trying to smile in front of you

coz I don't want to lost every second i spend with you

I am crying at the night

coz it's hard for me to admit that you try to stay away for me

We don't talk anymore like we used to do

And I miss every second with our random conversation 

We don't chill out together like we used to do 

And I miss every moment I spend with you

Refer to the song that you ever send to me "Jealous - Labrinth"

Now I'm jealous of the rain that falls upon your skin

It's closer than my hands have been

because now I can't even touch you

Half of me

Aku tak mengerti apa yang kini aku rasakan..

Hanya sepi yang ada..

Aku merasa ada sebagian dari diriku yang kosong, yang pergi hilang entah kemana

Aku harus bangkit dari keadaan ini

Jiwa kosong membuat aku semakin tidak menyadari potensi yang ada dalam diri

Aku mulai mencari kelebihan orang yang tak ku punya

Aku mulai mencaci apa yang tak ada

Aku mulai membandingkan dengan keadaan yang ada

Aku mulai berontak dengan keadaan yang tidak semestinya

ITU BUKAN AKU!

Aku harus bangkit dari keterpurukan ini

Ketika moment dimana hati ini hanya diam membeku

Ketika pikiran ini mulai berkarat tak mampu mencerna

Ketika jiwa ini menghilang entah kemana

APAKAH KARENA KAMU?!

Kamu yang dulu selalu ada untuk aku, mengubah semua pondasi yang aku dirikan

Kamu menjadi bagian pondasi itu

Kamu hadir dan menyelemai sisi kelamku, yang aku sendiri tak tahu dimana aku sembunyikan itu

Dan kamu pun mulai lelah dengan bagian diriku

Mungkin bagian lain dariku terlalu kasar untuk mu

Memporak-porandakan sisa kesabaranmu

Menghancurkan pondasi yang diberikan untukku

Sehingga kamu sendiripun lelah untuk menompang bersamaku

INIKAH AKHIR?

Aku hanya terdiam membisu

Mengumpulkan semua tenaga untuk bertanya pertanyaan yang aku sendiri tak tahu apakah aku sanggup menanyakan

Mencari cara untuk menyampaikan sesuatu hal yang aku sendiri bertanya apakah pantas aku sampaikan

Aku pun kemudian memutuskan untuk menikmati setiap detik bersamamu

Hanya menatap kamu, cukup memperhatikan kamu

Karena seketika aku merasa, saatnya kamu pergi meninggalkan aku

Dan aku pun membangun puing-puing pondasiku kembali

Entah untuk berapa lama, entah sampai kapan, yang pasti kini

AKU HANYA SETENGAH!!

Picture from IG: @xpro_photography
Location: Venice, Italy 

Do I have to say a broken heart?

It is been so long time
almost 1 year I am trying to open my heart and give a chance to someone that definitely different with me. Because I have faith that he can adjust the difference, he really wants me to be his soulmate and I see from his eyes that he said it from his heart.
Three months like a heaven between us, we can't be separate away.. three months after he still show his willing.. Now, I feel he is changed a lot, maybe time changed his belief.
he is not as same as someone that I knew before. He always said that he still the same but he is not or he just more realistic?. I am trying to keep his promise, give me an answer in 1 year.. the answer about his willing. Even I know what is the answer, it is very hard for me to accept the truth. I am still trying to believe that he is my soulmate..because if he is not, I already forgot him long time ago..
Today, we already discuss..both of us still trying. He shows me that he still keep his promise. And I believe, we still have a way for our wishes.

Picture: taken from someone Instragam @xpro_photography
Story: write in my student room Deventer
Feeling: worried

stop crying babe..stop crying..

I hope my tears worth it. I hope you know what i feel to you. I just want to give a little surprise but I think, I didn't do in correct way. you ever said, you won't ever make me cry but you didn't. I know you're too worry, but I always said no need to worry. If you think that you can't handle this, then just leave me. you can go what-ever you wanna go. You still have time to decide. and I always said it for many times..

sorry if i can't be someone that you want

maybe I am too naive that you know me better 

maybe i am the one who ask you too much

you always said that I don't care with you

but did you know how many tears drop from my eyes because of you?

I love you but I think you don't believe it

You love me but I think it's not lasting

I always believe that we have a future

but I think you always doubt it..

maybe it's a good time for us to step back..

as you wish, up to me...

then up to me to decide, I won't make you worry about me anymore..

keep saying up to me..

keep saying yaayaa..yaayy..

keep saying like I said

keep silent for every situation that we face

keep run away for any situation..

then as you wish...

#Deventer, Netherland#

#my room no. 12#

it's called "WOW" holiday (05 Sept - 14 Sept 2014)

why I called this "WOW" holiday? there are many reasons behind this. I will explain it as follow;

1. You should know that I still new employee in this office (previously I work in another pharmaceutical company for almost 4 years and now move to another pharmaceutical company just for 1 month). Some of my friends surprise with this, coz it's very rare that new employee can get annual leave in advance. Well, maybe I won't get this permission if I didn't make a deal when I got first offering from this company. sounds like "negotiation". Yeah, considering that I already become permanent employee in previous company and I can get a leave easily so it's hard for me move to another company without better benefit, isn't it?

2. Actually, I already buy a flight ticket on Sept 05-07, 2014 to Belitung (Tanjung Pandan) with Wina, Riri, Cory and Laura (my colleague in previous company) but my close friend pipit (she is my friend since we were child) asked me to pick her mom in Middlemount, Australia where she lived now because her mom's Australia visa will expired on Sept 14, 2014. I already told her that I have a ticket to Belitung so it will be possible if I travel after that day.

3. There is a long journey to reach Middlemount, Queensland, Australia. I should take another flight from Gold Coast or Brisbane to transit in Mackay (if I travel from Gold Coast) or in Emerald (if I travel from Brisbane). And those flight has certain schedule, besides there is no public transportation from Mackay or Emerald so her husband should pick me but he doesn't has any annual leave left so it's possible to pick me on weekdays. mm..so confusing, isn't it?
so the possibility is only on Sept 06, 2014 (Saturday) so I can arrive in Mackay on Sept 07, 2014 (Sunday). Another option is I take flight on next Friday and back to Jakarta, on Sunday. And of course I refuse it because it will be so tired. Jakarta - KL took 3 hours, KL - Gold Coast took 8 hours, Gold Coast - Mackay took 1.5 hours. so total 12.5 hours. I can't imagine that.

4. The conclusion is I still go to Belitung on Sept 05, 2014, left Belitung on Sept 06, 2014 and take flight to Gold Coast at the same day. Herewith I show you the itinerary as follow;

Sept 05, 2014 05.55 Flight to Tj. Pandan (Belitung)
Sept 06, 2014 11.40 Flight to Jakarta (approximately takes 1 hour)
Sept 06, 2014 16.35 Flight to Kuala Lumpur (approximately takes 2 hours)
Sept 06, 2014 21.25 Flight to Gold Coast (approximately takes 8 hours)
Sept 07, 2014 11.05 Flight to Mackay (approximately takes 1.5 hours)
Sept 07, 2014 go to Middlemount by Car ((approximately takes 3 hours)

so total hours especially on Sept 06 - 07, 2014 is 15.5 hours. WOW, isn't it?

my story won't be stop here. I will tell my holiday story in next page, so it can be your reference in the future ^_^

see yahh..
#dena
XoXo
 

Gw cuma mo pulang

Gw cuma mo pulang

Kejadian ini baru gw alami tepatnya tgl.9 des 2013. Hujan turun dengan derasnya sehingga planning gw pulang jam4 pun sirna karena gw ngga liat jam,disangka masih siang karena memang hujan turun dari jam1 siang.

Well akhirnya gw pulang tepat ujan berenti dimana estimasi gw tepat yaitu orang2 pada ikutan pulang. 

Kurang lebih 30menitan gw nunggu patas 213 yg ngga kunjung datang dan akhirnya tepat jam5.15 dy nongol juga. 

Posisi sudah penuh yang harus memaksa gw untuk berdiri.yeah ngga masalah secaa emang hampir tiap hari gw berdiri dipatas ini.pemikirannya "hanya sampai slipi jaya".perjalanan smooth sampai tikungan ke atas arah slipi, patas 213 pun sudah ada ancang2 untuk masuk tol yang memang trafficnya lancar jaya, uhh menggiurkan sekali bukan. Menemukan jalanan lancar ditengah kemacetan ibu kota itu udah ibarat kaya menemukan air di tengah padang pasir. Sangat amat melegakan. Sesaat hati seperti loncat kegirangan "yes,gw bisa sampai rumah lebih cepat,jam6 sampai lah" tapiiiiii....polisi berkata lain *soundtrack drum dipukul*

Pintu tol ditutup sekonyong2 tanpa ada pemberitahuan,lalu lintas dialihkan secara brutal ke jalur biasa, dan lebih menohoknya di depan patas gw ada mobil berplat merah diberikan akses untuk masuk jalan tol!!!!!! *muka shock,jantung berdegup berasa mo gulingin ni patas ke arah para petugas berasa kaya lagi main bowling* tapi kenyataanny gw hanya bisa menghela napas.

Life is goes on or life must goes on!! Tetap berlaju patas yg gw naikin dengan sangat amat pesimis untuk mengahadapi traffic yang parah di depan sana. Dannn..."stuck"

*posisi berdiri,gonta ganti kaki untuk berpijak,tangan memeluk tiang,dalam posisi berusaha "senyaman" mungkin*

10menit...jalan 2kali gas...10menit klakson saling saut2an *bersyukur di Jakarta orang2nya ramah,ngga maen bacok2an, paling banter yah ramah mengucapkan kata2 kasar ke sesama pengemudi jalan*

Finally slipiiiii!!!! Tapiiii apa yang terjadi..ban patas yang gw naikin bocorrrr!!!! *shock,kalut* perjalanan gw masih panjang, masih harus ke slipi jaya untuk cari omprengan dan akhirnya penumpang dialihkan ke patas lain yang arah grogol.

Dengan sigap gw turun,nyelip diantara penumpang lain,mengambil alih untuk mendapat tempat duduk. Dengan sigap gw dapet duduk dan ahhh lega banged rasanya. Baru persekian detik gw duduk, kenek patas yang dijadikan umpan alihan menolak,penumpang yang baru naik dipaksa turun. Hancur sudah dinding2 kenikmatan gw, kursi empuk, duduk nyaman sirna seketika. Dengan lunglai gw turun dari patas itu.

Ketika gw turun gw galau harus gimana, macet dimana2,patas arah tangerang ngga ada yang ngetem tapi gw liat penumpang yang dialihin tetap naik dipatas itu,akhirnya dengan sigap lagi gw ikutan naik ke patas itu lagi, dan menduduki kursi di sebelah pak supir. Okay agak ngga nyaman kena sikutan bapak supir ke kanan ke kiri yang harus mengarahkan persneling patas. Demi kemasahalatan umat pun ngga bisa gw dengan sekonyong2 memegang tangan beliau dan menghentikan ayunan persneling. Akhirnya dengan gemulai gw mengikuti arah laju.ketika siku ke kiri gw mesti menunduk, ketika siku ke kanan gw bisa agak memajukan badan. Sungguh irama yang luar biasa. Namub sayang harus diberhentikan karena akhirnya gw sampai dislipi jaya.

Pemandangan antrian omprengan ke arah tangerang membuat mata berkaca2 sampai mulut menganga. 

Teriakan "islamic,kosong,6000" dari kenek patas yang diasumsi merupakan patas 62, seperti nyanyian merdu di telinga seakan menarik diri untuk naik ke patas itu. Kontan kaki berpijak dengan mantap diatas bumi,mengejar patas yang nyaris meninggalkan landasan halte,dengan sigap mendorong halus orang di depan berharap dapat bangku yang tersisa. Dan horeee dapat duduk!! Jempol menari2, mulut bersiul2 menandakan kegembiraan.

Patas pun melanju, ahhh aku akan tiba di rumahh.. Tapiiii...

Sekonyong2 air hujan jatuh ke atas kepala aq, setiap patas melaju ke kanan, aer pun ikut turun ke kanan, air turun semakin deras ketika supir mengerem laju patas..OMG patasnya bocorrr!!!! Karena kaki sudah letih untuk berdiri, lalu lintas yang padat pun menjadi-jadi,hanya ada secuil kepasrahan dalam diri untuk menghadapi..and here I am duduk diatas bangku yang beratap lempengan besi berlubang, yang seketika bisa menjatuhkan airnya tiba2. Posisi saat ini setengah basah dibagian pinggang ke bawah dan tas yang sudah basah dibagian luar..

Jam menunjukan 6.42 dan gw masih dijalan dengan tetesan air hujan diatas kepala gw. 

Gw cuma mau sampai rumah titik

Regards

Dena